Many couples today are living in a no sex marriage. That seems at odds with what social media and TV ads would have you believe. If your socials are anything to go on, it looks like everyone is having mind-blowing sex all the time except for you. If it’s any comfort (and I’m sure it’s not), you’re not alone.
Today, we’re breaking down barriers and opening up a much-needed conversation about what it means to be in a relationship with little to no sexual intimacy.
Now, before you start blushing or feeling uncomfortable, let’s get one thing straight: there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a sexless marriage. It may sound surprising, but trust us when we say that not all relationships are built on passion, at least not after the first few months. In fact, statistics show that many couples experience periods of low or no sexual activity at some point during their journey together.
Remember when you first met and couldn’t keep your hands off each other? Remember sneaking any time you could find to have sex? It comes as no surprise to anyone that that feeling diminishes over time to something of a more natural rhythm. Your rhythm. But, maybe that rhythm is his rhythm and not yours. Let’s explore that.
First, a couple of stats;
- Couples married under 10 years have sex an average of just over 100 times per year
- Couples married over 30 years have sex an average of 35 times per year.
Further, on aggregate, over all age ranges, sexual activity for married persons has shown a definitive decline over the years. For example, in 1989, married American couples had sex, on average, 73 times per year, and by 2014, they were having sex 55 times per year.1
I’m sure some researchers have a pretty good idea why, but social media addiction is likely near the top of the list. And isn’t that where you hear about everyone’s great love life…
Sexless Marriage Statistics Overview
Sexless marriages are more common than you might think. According to various studies and surveys, approximately 15-20% of couples experience a no sex marriage at some point in their relationship. This means that these couples engage in sexual activity less than ten times per year.
Now, it’s important to note that the definition of a “sexless” marriage can vary depending on who you ask. Some experts consider a sexless marriage as having sex less than once a month, while others define it as having no sexual intimacy at all.
Interestingly enough, the statistics also show that there is no significant difference between genders when it comes to experiencing a sexless marriage. It affects both men and women equally, although some statistics suggest that men are more willing partners than women.
That said, don’t fall into the trap of assuming that only one partner is responsible for the lack of physical connection. Putting inability (medical reasons especially) aside, often it can come down to just losing interest in making an effort (foreplay) to work up to it. Remember how much fun foreplay was? Teasing each other all day until you finally got home from work?
Whatever the cause may be, it’s crucial not to jump to conclusions about your own situation based solely on these statistics alone. Every couple is unique and has their own set of circumstances and dynamics that influence their level of intimacy.
So take comfort in knowing that if your relationship falls into this category, you’re not alone. Many other couples have faced similar challenges with maintaining an active sex life over time. And remember: just because your relationship lacks regular sexual activity doesn’t mean it’s inherently unhealthy or doomed for failure!
What ‘Sexless’ Really Means
What does it mean to have a “sexless” marriage? It’s important to understand that the term “sexless” doesn’t necessarily mean zero sexual activity. Rather, it refers to a significant decline in sexual frequency or satisfaction within a relationship.
Every couple has different expectations and needs when it comes to physical intimacy, so what may be considered sexless for one couple may not be the same for another. And this is even true for the two partners in a marriage. One may feel that once a month is just right, while the other who wants sex once a week feels like they’re in a no-sex marriage.
In many cases, the decline in sexual activity can be attributed to various factors such as stress, busy schedules, health issues, or changes in libido. It’s normal for couples to experience ebbs and flows in their sexual desire over time. However, if one partner consistently feels unfulfilled or unsatisfied with the level of intimacy in the relationship, it can lead to feelings of frustration or resentment.
Every couple must define what works best for them based on their individual needs and circumstances. A sex-free marriage doesn’t automatically indicate an unhealthy relationship; rather than focusing solely on societal norms or statistics about sexlessness rates among married couples (which vary widely), it’s more important for individuals in relationships without regular sexual activity to evaluate their own levels of happiness and fulfillment overall
A lack of sex does not equate to a lack of love or emotional connection between partners. People express love and connection differently; some prioritize physical intimacy, while others focus more on emotional bonds.
Why Sex Sometimes Disappears
There are many reasons why sex can disappear in a marriage, and it’s important to understand that this is a common issue that couples face. One reason is the presence of stress or emotional strain in the relationship. When we’re overwhelmed with work, family commitments, or other external pressures, our desire for intimacy can diminish.
Another factor could be physical changes that occur over time. As we age, our bodies change and we may experience health issues that affect our sexual functioning. Hormonal imbalances or medication side effects can also play a role in dampening one’s libido.
Additionally, lifestyle factors such as being overly busy or lacking privacy can contribute to a lack of sex. Couples who have demanding careers or young children often find themselves too exhausted at the end of the day to engage in sexual activity.
It’s worth noting that no two relationships are exactly alike when it comes to sex and intimacy. Some couples may naturally have lower libidos, while others prioritize physical connection more highly. The key is finding balance and understanding each other’s needs and desires.
In order to address the issue of disappearing sex within your marriage, open communication is essential. Talk openly with your partner about your feelings and concerns without placing blame or making accusations. Seek professional help if necessary – therapy can provide guidance on how to reconnect emotionally and sexually.
Remember that every couple goes through ups and downs when it comes to their sexual relationship; it doesn’t mean something is inherently wrong with you or your marriage. By addressing these challenges head-on with empathy and understanding, you’ll be better equipped to navigate this aspect of your partnership together
Coping With a Sexless Marriage
Coping with a sexless marriage can be challenging and emotionally draining. It’s important to remember that you are not alone in this situation, as many couples experience periods of decreased or no sexual intimacy. However, it is essential to address the issue and find ways to cope.
Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor specialized in relationships can also be beneficial. They can provide guidance on navigating through the challenges associated with a sexless marriage and offer strategies for rebuilding intimacy.
Exploring alternative forms of connection beyond sexual activity may also help cope with a lack of physical intimacy. Engaging in activities together that promote emotional closeness, such as cuddling, holding hands, or spending quality time together, can strengthen the bond between partners.
And let’s not forget that sometimes it’s just the physical release that we need, and, in this case, masturbation can be just the right thing.
It’s crucial to prioritize self-care during this time as well. Focus on maintaining your own mental and physical well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment outside of the relationship.
Remember that coping with a sexless marriage doesn’t mean giving up hope altogether. With open communication, professional support, and an emphasis on emotional connection, it is possible to navigate through these difficulties together as a couple.
Just Because You Have a No Sex Marriage Doesn’t Mean It’s Bad
Just because your relationship is sex-free doesn’t mean it’s bad. In fact, there are numerous reasons why a couple may find themselves in a sexless marriage, and it doesn’t necessarily indicate that something is wrong.
For some couples, the decrease in sexual activity may be due to physical or medical issues. Illnesses, medications, or hormonal imbalances can all impact libido and make it difficult for one or both partners to engage in sexual intimacy. It’s important to remember that these factors are often beyond our control and should not be seen as a reflection of the strength or quality of the relationship.
Emotional factors can also play a role in the decline of sexual activity. Stress, anxiety, depression, or unresolved conflicts can create barriers to intimate connection. In these cases, addressing underlying emotional issues through therapy or open communication can help improve overall relationship satisfaction.
Additionally, life circumstances such as raising children, demanding careers, or financial stressors can consume time and energy that would otherwise be directed toward sexual intimacy. It’s important for couples to recognize these external pressures and find alternative ways to maintain closeness and connection.
What Should You Do if You Want More Physical Intimacy?
If you find yourself craving more physical intimacy in your marriage, it’s important to address the issue openly and honestly with your partner. Communication is key when it comes to navigating any relationship challenge. Start by finding a comfortable setting where both of you can speak freely without distractions.
Express your feelings and desires calmly and respectfully, using “I” statements instead of accusatory language. Let your partner know that physical intimacy is an important part of feeling connected and loved for you. Avoid placing blame or making them feel inadequate; instead, focus on expressing what you need from the relationship.
Listen actively to your partner’s perspective as well. They may have their own reasons for a decrease in sexual desire or interest. Understanding their point of view can help foster empathy and facilitate compromise.
Together, explore potential solutions that work for both of you. This could include scheduling regular date nights or intimate moments, trying new activities together to reignite passion, seeking therapy or counseling to address underlying issues, or exploring ways to increase emotional connection outside of the bedroom.
Remember that change takes time and effort from both parties involved. Be patient with each other as you navigate this journey together, keeping lines of communication open along the way.
Every marriage is unique and what works for one couple may not work for another. It’s important to find a balance that satisfies both partners’ needs while respecting boundaries set within the relationship.
Conclusion
Whether a sexless marriage is healthy or normal depends on the individuals involved and their level of satisfaction within the relationship. If both partners are content with their arrangement and find fulfillment in other areas of their lives together, then it can be considered healthy for them.
If you’re experiencing difficulties or dissatisfaction within your own relationship due to a lack of sexuality or physical intimacy levels mismatched with your partner’s desire levels – don’t hesitate to seek support from professionals who can offer guidance tailored specifically toward addressing these issues.
Ultimately, though – only you know what feels right for YOU! Trust yourself above all else when making decisions about your personal happiness within committed partnerships.
References
- Source: Declines in Sexual Frequency Among American Adults, 1989-2014 by Jean M. Twenge, Ryne A. Sherman, Brooke E. Wells
