In her pioneering radio show, “Sexually Speaking,” Dr. Ruth talked a lot about sex and with her own brand of good cheer. She did so through her column for Playgirl magazine, countless books, interviews, and public appearances over four decades. The 96-year-old Dr. Ruth, who died recently, may have spoken publicly more about sex than anyone else in history.
Although her specialty covered many other aspects of human experience, she gave plenty of advice on general life issues. Her own tragic experience as a Jewish refugee who lost her parents during the Holocaust inspired some of those lessons. After two brief marriages, she found lasting love with her third husband, an engineer named Manfred Westheimer.
She spoke of the importance of making a positive use of a terrible experience in a 2012 interview with The Guardian: “I felt I had an obligation to make a difference in the world since I didn’t get killed by the Nazis.” I didn’t know that dent would turn out to be me talking about sex all day long.”
She often referred to her sense of purpose as tikkun olam, which means “repairing the world” or, as she put it in a speech, “making the world a better place.” In an interview with Hadassah magazine in 2014, she said, “I knew I had to work toward tikkun olam.” “You can take horrible experiences you will never forget, but you can use those experiences to live a productive life.”
In her 1984 interview with The New York Times, she emphasized the importance of humor in teaching: “If a professor leaves his students laughing, they will remember what he taught.”
“Sexually Speaking” first appeared on “The Tonight Show” in 1982, and it became popular. Dr. Ruth offered a lesson on how to approach delicate topics when the host, Johnny Carson, mentioned that many people are reluctant to discuss sex. “If you do it in good taste—and if you do it properly, then it can be—everything can be addressed.”
She also knew how to stand up to the patriarchy. When she gave a lecture at Oklahoma State University in 1985, Billy Joe Clegg, a local minister, attempted (and failed) to arrest her for her acceptance of homosexuality and abortion.
In contrast, Dr. Ruth strongly believed in the importance of long-term relationships and family ties. She told comedian Richard Lewis, who appeared on her TV show in the 1980s that his sexual performance anxiety would go away if he found “the right girl.” In another episode, she said she expected Jerry Seinfeld to marry her. Seinfeld used the Yiddish term for bother to ask him to stop hocking me.)
In a 2015 interview with Philadelphia Magazine, Dr. Ruth made her position perfectly clear: “I believe the best sexual relations are in a loving relationship — not like in Hollywood, or your first love or the first night of sex — but in an enduring relationship, and realizing how grateful we are to have someone who cares for us.”
Despite her support for openness, she said that romantic partners should keep certain things private. She told The Times 1985, “There are problems with this trend of sharing everything.” “I attended a group seminar at a hospital where a doctor admitted to sometimes being aroused by cows. His secretary greeted him with a ‘mooooooo!'”
Dr. Ruth described a caller from Brazil who had difficulty concentrating during sex. “I said, ‘KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, but in your fantasy make believe that the entire Brazilian soccer team is with you,'” she said.
According to her, active people tend to be better in bed. A skier, herself an accomplished skier, told Esquire in 2010 that skiers make the best lovers because they don’t sit in front of a TV like couch potatoes. “They take risks and they wiggle their behinds. They meet new people on the ski lift.”
Using her favorite animal – the turtle – as a metaphor, she often stressed that people should not live in fear.
“The turtle must stick its neck out to move,” Dr. Ruth said at Trinity College in 2004. “There are going to be times in your life when you’re going to have to stick your neck out. There will be challenges. Instead of hiding in a shell, you have to face them head on.”
